January 9th, 1996
I awaken, not even knowing {or caring} where I am. I feel like I am 'in someone else's' life. As I arouse.. the nightmare becomes real once more. Echo and Megan are both gone. Only Tiara and the babies, {none of which will be spending their lives with me...as soon as they are able to move on to their new lives.. they will be waiting for them} are here with me.
Where are we?... at the stud owner's, of course... a friend brought the puppies, Tiara & me here.. so that the puppies will have a surrogate mom... I remain in a complete daze. Thank God that the breeder is caring for the babies, since I can barely even think.
January 10th-14th, 1996
Tiara and I remain at the breeder's along with the puppies, until January 15th. Since I am scheduled to return to work.. I must leave the puppies there. Tiara has come into season while we are here, and will stay with my friend, & stud owner to be bred. I make a decision while there.. that if Tiara is to remain living with me, I will need to purchase another friend for her, since she has never had to live alone, and does not go in and out the door without another dog ahead of her......there is a little girl named 'Wendy', who lives here, and is the grandaughter of Tiara's father... I really like her, and decide, that she is to come to live with us.
January 14th, 1996
A couple of our friends come to get us... that is.. our new girl... 'Wendy'..... and me, to take us back home.....since I will have to be going back to work.I cannot imagine how it will 'feel' to enter that house again.
Jan 15th -February 10
The house is empty.. except for the new sheltie whom I have decide to name 'Precious', and register as 'Shandon Bell What Price a Dream' & I and a host of memories.. and an ache in my heart, like I can't even begin to explain.. I go to work.. neither knowing or caring how I get thru the days.
February 10
A friend.. one of many who have help me thru this nightmare comes with me to pick up Echo's babies and daughter Tiara. All three did survive... even the tiny dark one, Andy, who barely clung to life the day we arrived @ the stud owners. I am still of a mind that they shall all be placed in their respective puppy homes.
February 11-March 15
The puppies have grown ..and it is time for them to move on. .to begin their lives.. as they were meant to be. One of them... Allen went to live with a really neat friend, {and is now working well in obedience}. Austin went to live with his uncle Casey in a home that already has one of Megan's babies.. a half brother to my beloved Megan.
Then there is Andy. Andy has continued to tug @ my heart...and.. somehow.. I feel a need to keep him here a few more weeks.. he is beginning to look soo much like his mom, Echo.since there isn't a home designated for him.. I will not rush the process.
I continue to go thru the motions of living without Echo, still trying to figure out why, and what I could have done differently.
One other note.. Tiara didn't have puppies, and I now believe.. it was because, Echo knew.. That I was not able to care for puppies @ that time.
March 15th - May 15th
The days and weeks continue to go by in blur.. life is so empty without Echo .. I can barely function. One thing that 'has' happened is.. that I have decided. .that Andy, whom by now I have named 'Starphire' is still here..he has become *so* much like his mom..I somehow feel I must keep him here. He will be registered with AKC as 'Candlochen One Shining Moment O Echo'.
sometime in August 1996
I begin to be able to express my feelings a bit, and write a tribute to my beloved Echo which now graces her home page .. Echoes of Love.
I have not yet learned why it is that this happened to my beloved Echo.. my heart still aches.. and sometimes it still makes no sense & there is still a 'part' of me that blames Starphire, her son. The wording of the original tribute was .. 'Now, the baby boy that cost you your life is almost eight months old'.
Late October 1996
Tiara was bred again, but no puppies this time,either.
I have now discovered the on-line server, Prodigy Classic. After one or two attempts.. I discover the pets grief chat room. It is here that I get my first lessons and begin to understand this place called Rainbow Bridge.
I am directed to some web sites that have some incredibly comforting help. I also found a poem called Glimpse of the Rainbow Bridge...I FINALLY begin to understand.. that Starphire didn't 'cause' Echo's passing...{and neither did I} but he is the gift that Echo left me from the Bridge!
November, & December 1996
Preparing for the first Christmas with both my girls @ Rainbow Bridge....*coming soon*
A Little Dog Angel
High up in the courts of heaven today
a little dog angel waits;
with the other angels he will not play,
but he sits alone at the gates.
"For I know my master will come" says he,
"and when he comes he will call for me."
The other angels pass him by
As they hurry toward the throne,
And he watches them with a wistful eye
as he sits at the gates alone.
"But I know if I just wait patiently
that someday my master will call for me."
And his master, down on earth below,
as he sits in his easy chair,
forgets sometimes, and whispers low
to the dog who is not there.
And the little dog angel cocks his ears
and dreams that his master's voice he hears.
And when at last his master waits
outside in the dark and cold,
for the hand of death to open the door,
that leads to those courts of gold,
he will hear a sound through the gathering dark,
a little dog angel's bark.
Author Unknown
This page is not complete....however if somehow you have stumble in here.. please know.. that this is only a beginning and will be amended and revised as my memories of those days are again relived.
Created on August 22, 1998. Updated October 3, 2001. All rights reserved by Candlochen, © copyright 1999-2007
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